my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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