i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
