Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
