I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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