i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
