At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
