i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
