i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
