just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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