I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
