fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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