toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
