the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
