I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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