I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
