I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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