have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
