If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
