the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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