Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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