It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
