you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
