the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
