ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
