apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
