i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
