once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
