Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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