if i died would you start the facebook group?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
