I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
