Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
