He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
