I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
