Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I want a musical about memes.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
