just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
