areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
