The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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