forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
honey bunches of taint.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
