I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
