Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
