The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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