Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
