fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
