i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
