There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
