Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
