We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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