just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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