i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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