I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
