i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
